The Sum OF Sin
by Chandra
Summary: A/U:“I remember now, I can’t remember yesterday... I just remember doing what they told me...” The hoarse rasp echoed through nights empty halls as the I.V. dripped its poison into him. B/K. R&R Chap. 2 edited/updated
1. Prologue

~...~ = Thoughts  
  
"..." = Speech  
The Sum of Sin  
  
~Chandra  
Something in the scene didn't fit; only pieces would make sense in his head, fragmented like memory. The sparkle of rosary beads caught his eye, their crystal imprisoning errant rays of candlelight before casting them out from prismatic depths and into the night. Such pretty little things, their innocent sparkle attracting his attention from their peaceful sleep upon a creamy pillow. There was something important about the beads, something that he should remember...but before the thought could form he was distracted again. This time by the silver glint of the crucifix nestled in stands of black satin that spilled over the floor. Its well worn-metal held an almost forlorn glow, calling his fingers to fix things...to make it whole once more, even now as his fingers sought to free it from the satin. But the satin wasn't satin it was hair. Long strands of black hair that he knew smelled of white plumb. Shaking fingers caught in its tangled web as they sought the now illusive silver.  
  
Somewhere in the sharp edges, the painful seed of desolation caught root in his stomach. Diseased roots tangled painfully in his abdomen as his eyes traveled slowly over the tangles and pathways of wayward stands, their twists and curls as simply complex as the silver wire of the rosary. The thought drew his eyes once more to the crystal beads she had loved so much. Now the treasured artifact lay broken and forgotten making him want to weep for its loss. The tears that tried to cloud his sight fell in heavy droplets from his eyelashes...never brushing his cheek in their descent. The sickly vine twisted around his heart, sinking tendrils of panic into the rapidly constricting muscle and freezing his blood painfully in his veins until each spasm of the muscle made the act of living painful. Black spots danced at the edges of his vision, mocking him with their frantic movements. And the much-loved rosary did not rest upon a cream pillow, but instead upon torn and lacerated skin; which he knew smelled of white plumb as well. Skin whose feel he knew better than his own.  
  
The revelation brought a chill of sickness through his muscles, nausea rising with a bud of terror that wrenched its way through his lungs, suffocating him as it forced the air from his throat. Breath fought its way through parted lips in quick gasps, searing his lungs as they sought to reject it.  
  
Acting on a will of their own his eyes followed the scene, moving up and over a small chin to ruby stained lips. ~She's asleep~ The though slid easily through his mind, hiding the blue tinge of her skin from sight. ~She fell asleep waiting for me...it'll be alright, I'll just wake her up.~ Suddenly the room was shifting under him, black petals unfurling over his eyes. ~She's not dead...No...I refuse to believe it, a dream. That's all it is...Wake up...~ Voicelessly his mind raced inside his falling body, the darkness reaching up with the floor to embrace him. Still he was falling, spinning out of control with only the echo of his own voice and her name to steady him.  
  
"Tomoe..!" The name was nothing more than a rasped scream, its anguished tones only serving to hasten his decent.  
"Doctor Jones, Paging Doctor Jones..." A woman's voice broadcast through the reeling world, fading in and out of his mind as it called him back to reality.  
  
Eyes strained for sight against heavy lids; fighting to see the word he had fallen into. Around him the bitter sterile smell of a hospital welcomed him, the sounds of people filling his mind. People walking, talking, breathing...Overwhelming him with their noise. The bustle closed in around him, making breathing difficult as it enfolded his senses becoming the only thing he knew. Just when the all-containing insanity threatened to over take him footsteps approached, their steady beat calling him back from the sound filled nightmare. The soft hum of a woman's voice followed him, not the same voice that had woken him, but another person. Smooth fingers with the unnatural feel of plastic encircled his wrist, trapping his arm in their iron grasp. Though he couldn't resist.  
  
Inside his mind fought, everything that was him and knew it, fought against the heavy paralysis of his limbs. Instantaneous thoughts making the seconds before his eyes could open feel like days. The sharp prick of a needle helped his effort, and finally he could see through half lidded eyes. Gasping with the effort he watched red fingernails as they held his wrist. Something was being forced into him, he could sense it more than feel it. Sense the darkness that waiting inches below his thoughts, waiting for him to get distracted and drown in its depths. Something felt cold in his veins, creeping through his limbs and aided by his panicking heart.  
  
"Sweet Dreams." The words were cheery, though only necessarily so. Sacrine-sweet tones of hate fallowing him into sleep with their curse. "You bastard." With a final silent scream he fell into the shivering medicated cold, black oblivion folding over his head and taking hard won sight away.  
  
Finally his voice found him, the low familiar rumble coming moments too late, raspy from remaining un-used. Through the medication he called out in nothing words that only his mind knew, using the sound to focus. Then his thoughts began to gather again, dismissing the animal part that had fought to over come the medication. Words formed behind his eyes as he wrapped his mind around their syllables, memorizing each sound before finally sending the words out as an anker.  
  
"I remember now, I can't remember yesterday... I just remember doing what they told me..." The hoarse rasp echoed through nights empty halls as the I.V. dripped its poison into him. In the unlit room amber eyes opened, depths smoldering from his prone body as his mind bid its time. 


	2. Shinta

In the future I will most likely be updating chapters as I get a chance, so if one of my posts is really short you will most likely get a follow up to it. Have also decided to use the personality switches as the breaks in chapters. So whenever a different personality takes over for an extended period of time it will be a new chapter. Well, I may get to splice in some of my Psychology degree. If get too wrapped up in the description of mental 'issues' just let me know. By the way, the reason Kenshin has yet to diagnosed is that most cases of MPD are not noticed for at least six years after they manifest if it is even noticed. Another quick note on MPD, I am making up some of this as I go since there is very little information on the signs and symptoms of a multiple personality disorder. Not to mention publication of an actual case, recently it has been found that approximately 98% of people with MPD have been miss-diagnosed and actually have a form of acute schizophrenia. So I will do my best here. Oh and I added to this chapter, so enjoy. Oh, and I don't own RK, anything by Queensryche, or any other strange references I might make here. -----  
  
Sum Of Sin  
  
~Chandra  
  
Kaoru shifted uneasily at the nurses' station; there was something about hospitals that never seemed right. Something in the way they felt, smelled, and sounded. But mostly in the way they smelled. The heavy sterile medicine smell mixed with bittersweet undertones that disease and infection left in its wake, which stuck thickly in the back of your throat. Then there were the memories that florescent lighting and absently detached voices left in their wake. Her father had died in a hospital like this one, not that hospitals looked very different from each other, when she was five. An experience that left her with an astoundingly accurate memory of the smells and sounds of trauma care, and the knowledge of what death meant.  
  
"Ms. Kamiya?" One of those absently detached voices, that surprisingly still held a few characteristics of true humanity and hinted at inexperience, broke into her thoughts.  
  
"Oh...I'm sorry," She stumbled, eyes focusing on the man before her, "Doctor?" And she stopped, realizing she had missed his name.  
  
"Jones." He said, smiling helpfully, adding to the obvious impression that he was fresh out of school.  
  
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Doctor Jones." She smiled, extending her hand as some of the unease drained out of her. "I was sent here by the fifth district court to evaluate a Kenshin Himura's competency to stand trial."  
  
"Yes, I am familiar with the case." A frown unbecomingly creased his face, "He's this way."  
  
The walk was completed in silence, the sterile white hallways leading them through a maze of dehumanization. Finally after passing steel gates that offered to swallow them whole and keep them far from the light of day, they stood outside a plain white door. A small window allowed the only visual access to its confines, and through the metal grated porthole was the offer of insanity. Risking a glance, Kaoru stepped up to the small window. Inside a slender man leaned against the wall, his eyes hidden by unkept hair, its red color a shocking splash of color against artificial white.  
  
"You're patient awaits, Ms. Kamiya." Then with a pause the doctor met her eyes nervously, "We see all sorts come through here, but...I'm not trying to tell you how to do you job." He paused, looking down, and when their eyes met again a pleading urgency accompanied his words. "Just don't let him get away with it." With that he opened the door, not waiting for he to answer, perhaps it was better for him if she didn't. Better for him to believe that some justice still existed, but justice wasn't her job.  
  
"Thank you, Doctor." She said smiling at him, before stepping into the room. As always there was the sickening shock of nervousness that accompanied every evaluation, the instant of dread that sent a painful rush of adrenalin through her blood. Then the lock clicked behind her, leaving her staring at red hair and white walls.  
  
"Good Afternoon, Kenshin." She spoke, hoping her voice was steadier that it sounded in her mind. ~Take a deep breath Kaoru~ her mind chided her ~Never give them control of the situation, as soon as they know they can use you you've lost.~ With a sigh she made a quick glance around the room. A bed, a table, two chairs, and a television mounted near the ceiling behind what looked like clear plastic were the room's simple decorations. Forcing her hands to remain still, she slid into one of chairs and looked up at him.  
  
An almost childish giggle came from the figure as he answered, her. "Kenshin's asleep, Doctor-lady." The man raised his head, long strands of red hair framing a smiling face and playful amethyst eyes. "Can I go home now, Doctor-lady? I don't like this place, it smells funny, and I don't like the food."  
  
She couldn't help it, the man's first words surprised her; leaving her wide- eyed and blinking as the childish banter continued.  
  
"What's you're name?"  
  
"K..Kaoru Kamiya." She stuttered out, opening her pad. She had been warned to expect the telltale signs of a Psychotic (Antisocial Personality Disorder); perhaps this was a game to him, the beginning of a battle of wills that he would use to test her.  
  
"My name's Shinta." He walked towards her, his movements carefree with the sloppy grace of childhood. "Can't I go home now?"  
  
"Not just jet, Shinta. I need to ask you some things, then we'll see." ~There was no mention of the name 'Shinta' in his file~ "Shinta, are you the only one that lives in Kenshin?" The question was an iffy one, on one hand suggesting that there should be other personalities and offered encouragement to some one seeking and insanity plea, but on the other hand it was something she had to know.  
  
"No, there's me and Kenshin, and..." Violet eyes glanced around, widening slightly before he continued in a soft tone. "And there's Him. But he's bad, we don't wan to wake Him up." Then Shinta/Kenshin looked up at her, eyes tearfully wide. "I'm a good boy, aren't I Miss. Kaoru? They say I did bad things, but I'm a good boy! He did it, he makes us do it, we don't want to, I want to be a good by!" His words grew closer together, becoming more frantic with each new thought as they spilled out of him. Amethyst eyes stared pleadingly up at her, seeking reassurance as he hugged himself, rocking back and forth on the chair.  
  
"Hush..." Kaoru stopped herself, realizing her hand was reaching out towards him. But the frightened worlds spoken so much like a child's had made her want to hold him and reassure his cries. "Yes, Shinta. You're a good boy." She knew it was a lie, even as the words came out of her mouth, but she couldn't stop them. "Why don't you take a rest, Shinta, I'm going to go for a little while. I'll be back soon. O.K.?" Despite herself she was responding to him as if he were a child, responding to the wide-eyed fear of rejection that that faced her.  
  
"No, don't leave me. I don't want to be alone." The plea followed her like his eyes as she stood up.  
  
"It's just for a few minutes, I'll be back soon." There was no answer, but instead the boy who called himself 'Shinta' crawled up onto the bed, which he could have easily sat down upon, and curled up into a ball. Three brisk knocks upon the door brought one of the orderlies, and offered her freedom into the seemingly freezing hallway. With a sigh she fell back against the near wall as the door clicked shut, the cool tile feeling frigid against her skin as she closed her eyes. This wasn't going to be easy.  
  
Alone in the cafeteria Kaoru looked down at her notes, feeling ashamed at her loss of control over the situation. But then again, she hadn't been in control of the situation since she walked through the doorway. It had been merely one year since she had completed her degree in Psychology. From the beginning this was what she had wanted to do, to make people accountable for their actions. The insanity plea was nothing more than another excuse offered by a flawed legal system to allow the guilty their freedom. Out of the seven evaluations she had been assigned to, only one had gone free. But she had proven all seven of them capable to stand trial, and with out a law degree it was the best that she could do.  
  
Sighing, Kaoru looked down at her pad, her pen moving over a set of letters as if driven by some need to break the code they held. "Shinta," the name glared back at her from the surface of the legal pad, it's letter bold from her pens constant attention. Her pen moved away from the letters, jotting quick questions below the name and leaving lines of space below the words. Stopping at a final question, it's one word allowing her mind to slide back to a day sixteen years ago.  
  
*** She sat in a large room, the echoes of lamenting voices bouncing off wood paneled walls and a high white ceiling. Carefully she shifted, the wooden pews making her uncomfortable. The smell of flowers surrounded her, thick and heavy as she was lead from her seat, an old hand taking her where she didn't want to go. Silently her mind struggled against the childish innocence that kept her walking towards the coffin. ~No, don't look, you don't want to understand what's there.~ But it was too late and once again she watched to a child's eyes no longer innocent as the understanding of death hardened an accepting heart. Then the room blurred and she was sitting again, hating blue eyes looked out from the child's face focused on a single man. Watching as he was declared "Not Guilty for reasons of Insanity." Then they were leaving, filing out of the courtroom into a crowd. Still she watched his back, tears rolling silently down her cheeks. Then with audacity of some one who knows they just, quite literally, got away with murder, her turned to smile at her. That smile killed the last illusions of child hood just as quickly as his bullet had killed her father ***  
  
"Ms. Kamiya?" A woman's voice started her from the memories, making her jump into sudden alertness. Underneath her skin her blood pumped fervently with the speed of a fresh dose of adrenaline.  
  
"Are you alirght Ms. Kamiya?"  
  
"Yes, thank you." Kaoru smiled, quickly noting the woman's appearance. She wore a typical nurse's uniform, and her features were just as usual as her clothing, just your typical nurse Betty, though Jean seamed to fit her features more.  
  
"Doctor Jones asked me to check on you, you've been gone for nearly two hours." The nurse paused, the secretive smile that accompanies gossip spreading over her face. "I think he was worried that you had left."  
  
"I see, thank you." Though Kaoru really didn't see, not that she cared to get close to the locals as she thought of them. This was work, not a social outlet. "Well I think I will be heading back to complete my evaluation." Kaoru finished, and gathered her things before another attempt at small talk could be made. She was never very good at small talk; perhaps it was because she never understood the use of tact.  
  
This time Kaoru noticed the walls, two-toned with light green on the bottom and a darker puke-green on top. Institutional green, as charming as bruises, it was a wonder any one escaped its colors sane. Florescent lighting made the green claustrophobic, and at that moment Kaoru decided she hated green. White doors kept silent servitude to the halls ways like orderlies of steel and glass. Once more she stood in front of the door, a white 6 was painted to the left of the door handle. Finding strength in her disgust at the psyc. wards decoration she turned the doors knob.  
  
"Kenshin..." Kaoru voice, slide through the white-lit gloom of the room. A gloom not borne from darkness, but more of a feeling that made the world seem an unsteady weight upon her small shoulders. At first glance the room was despairingly empty, lacking the unnatural brightness of the child's eyes, silent in sterile oppression that brought back the daily press of loneliness. A ragged sigh came in a grating rush of air and voice from beside the bed, a corner hidden perfectly from her eyes by the line of the mattress. The sound wrapped around her, echoing off the suddenly close white walls.  
  
"Kenshin..?" She whispered, the air hissing involuntarily from between her teeth. The whisper sounds scared and insecure, and she hated it. She wouldn't be afraid, fear was useless; it didn't change anything, just made you helpless. With newfound resolve that fed of the anger twisting in her stomach, she walked briskly towards the bed, towards the hidden corner and any horror it could hold. In her mind, behind her blue eyes that glared fiercely at he destination, possibilities formed fleeting thoughts intent on frightening her. Steeling herself against the imagined boogieman she stepped clear of the bed, coming face to face with huddled limbs and tangled red hair.  
  
Wide amethyst eyes, their irises flecked with the first amber hints of sorrow driven insanity, stared up at her. Red rimmed their blood shot surface, tangles of red hair falling in matted clumps against a swollen tear streaked face. For a moment it was hard to believe that this was the same person, the same child-like man that had greeted her earlier. In a slow movement his hand raised, knotted fingers unclenching as her push the tangled mass of red roughly away from his face. His slender hands were swollen; fingers caked with a red-brown substance that cracked and flaked off in thick sheets from ragged nails. Kaoru's eyes trailed from his fingers; the smell of drying blood heavy around her, making the cool room seem stifling as her eyes moved down his wrists and forearms.  
  
The pale skin, which had seemed so perfect only hours before, was marred with long tares running in a chaotic pattern from knuckles to elbows. Blood seeped from the encrusted skin in fresh shining red rivers that ran down his elbows and dripped to the floor. So much blood, it filled her vision and suffocating her with its smell. Her mouth moved, but she couldn't find her voice, couldn't find the words that would bridge the gap between silent horror and rational thought. And through it all those red- rimmed eyes stared at her. The look was not a friendly one, but one of accusation screaming at her through the sterile white.  
  
Once again the curled hand tried to push matted red hair away from his eyes, fingers tangling in the strands and leaving streaks of drying red/brown over sickly pale skin. Lips moved carefully, each word seeming to be a struggle before it came in ragged breathless half words. At first she couldn't hear him, couldn't hear anything and her mind filled in the silence with accusing tones. Then like a way crashing over the room sound returned, and his words reached her ears. "Where is she...Where is my wife." Wide-eyed blue stared, unable to give an answer. "Where's Tomoe...?" Questioningly hesitant in its tones, the answer already known, but wide eyes refused to remember. "Where is she?" More frantic now, the first whispers of a nameless fear filling his raspy tones.  
  
Kaoru stepped back, the white wall a solid end to the surreal world. "I don't know, try and calm down Kenshin." Her voice was forced, words tight as she spoke the lie.  
  
"Where's Tomoe?" This time it wasn't hesitant, the scream was as his movements violent. Fingers reached out for her shoulders as he thrust himself forwards his face a bloodied mask devoid of any semblance of humanity, as though there was nothing let than the animal the race evolved from.  
  
Kaoru tried to move, but the lunge was too fast, too unexpected. Fingers curled around her shoulders with their tips digging buisingly into her flesh, His weight pushing her back against the wall, knocking the air from her lings at the impact. Black spots danced infront of her eyes, artificial light fading as darkness reached up to her. Then there was nothing, no impact of the waiting floor...no sound of the scream that should be burning from her throat. Nothing...  
  
  
  
  
  
-----A/N----- -Chiruken- MPD is a very hard thing to diagnose. Most people who claim MPD in a situation such as Kenshin's are faking the disorder to achieve the insanity plea. There have been cases (that have been proved to be misdiagnosed) of people with over 1000 different 'personalities.' The other thing about MPD is that the core personality (in this case Kenshin) is not aware of the other personalities, and experiences missing time when a different personality is in control. As for Kaoru's nervousness I mentioned some background in the last chapter and will get into it in more detail in the next chapters. Am sorry that "Fade" is taking me so long to update, have half of the next chapter written but am having trouble getting around to finish it. Am having too much mental fun with this idea...I really need a tape recorder. -Val- MPD normally goes for at least six years with out being diagnosed, and that's if the person is social. Kenshin in this has never been overly social, so its gone unnoticed. Also the disorder is amplified by stress, so at the moment he has a full blown case, but normally the signs are more subtle. -Vesca- Glad you like it.  
  
-Mirth- Yes I love Operation Mindcrime. And going to loosely follow the song sequence, though not right away, need to set up the MPD first. JML- I actually went back and fixed that. That's my editing for this story, so now you just get to deal w/my mistakes. ;P -Chiruken- Thank you, and yes I will be continuing "Fade". Have half of the next chapter typed up. Am currently working one fulltime job and one parttime, so my writing time is limited. Hope you like were this is going. 


	3. Kenshin

Alright every one, I'm back...I think. Am realizing that with the current job I have no time for anything else in my life (lovely 8hr shift plus another 8hrs of OT are my usual day). Anyway, here goes the psycosis. Though the lack of reviews on the updates of "Shinta" have left me wondering if I should even bother anymore. You have 'Berserker' to thank for this burst of motivation. Oh and I am doing a fic for the manga MARS, the people over there need a little psychological trauma. I will be updating this chapter later, decided I would post this first part before getting into Kenshin's story (that's going to be long).  
  
The Sum Of Sins Part II -Kenshin-  
  
Kaoru stretched, her mind ignoring the jarring noise that shattered a peaceful night's sleep. With a groan she rolled over, blue eyes glaring pointedly at the phone, then glancing at the clock beside it. 8 a.m. red digital letters looked back at her, ~Four hours sleep, lovely...~ With a second groan she rolled over, ignoring the blaring phone and burying herself back under the heavy blankets.  
  
After the hospital had examined her for any serious damage; then stuck her with multiple needles for her own protection (not that she believed it), they told her should had to wait twelve hours before sleeping. That meant that instead of getting to sleep at a modest ten o'clock, she had to wait until four in the morning to even consider it. Now the world was nothing more than an irritatingly bright place accompanied by the shrilling of the phone. Giving up she rolled back over, ripping the receiver from its cradle she lifted the phone to her ear.  
  
"What-do-you-want?" The words came in clipped syllables through clenched teeth, Kaoru was never at her best in the morning and her currently lack of sleep made her far from friendly.  
  
"Good Morning, Ms Kamiya. The patient Kenshin Himura is awake and asking for you." The obnoxiously chipper voice that resembled 'Nurse Jean' from the day before invaded her sleep deprived world.  
  
"Fucking beautiful," Kaoru would have laughed at the woman's startled gasp, but the pounding of her head sapped away any amusement the world would have held. Not to mention that spending her morning with a killer was not her idea of relaxing. "I'll be there in an hour." With that she hung up, no good-bye. She hadn't said 'good-bye' in years, not since her father had died. Good-bye meant they weren't coming back.  
  
***  
  
"Good morning, Ms. Kaoru."  
  
She was so tempted to mutter 'there's nothing good about it' back at the careful amethyst eyes that watched her. Kenshin Himura lay on white sheets his red hair still a tangled mass around his head, though now it was free of the blood and sweat that matted it earlier. Her eyes were drawn to its splash of color, so unnatural in its sterile white surroundings.  
  
"I'm sorry for what happened yesterday...they told me I attacked you." He paused, amethyst eyes searching her face for some encouragement. Then continued undaunted, the pitch of his voice somewhere between the bright sun-lit tones of a child and the heavier stormy tones of a man. "I don't remember what happened...but Sessha is sorry."  
  
Kaoru nodded, her pencil moving with a mind of its own over the tablet, "I understand, it is all right." Sapphire eyes looked down at the yellow legal pad, as the lie slid easily from between her lips.  
  
"They told me that you were here to evaluate me, to decided if I really am capable of..." Kenshin faltered closing his eyes, his fingers fought nervously with the padded straps that kept his arms captive at his sides. Then sighing defeatedly he looked back up at her, "If I killed Tomoe...If I could have murdered my wife." All the pain and all the weight of the past days was summed up in her name, a whispered prayer that left him desolate.  
  
"I am here to determine if you are able to stand trial...It is the court's job to prove you guilty or innocent."  
  
"Do you believe that I am guilty?" Amethyst eyes met hers, pleading for comfort from her, hoping to find a soul that believed him innocent.  
  
"It doesn't matter what I think," And for that moment she wanted to lie, to tell him that everything would be all right, and that he wasn't the monster she saw him as. But she saw monsters everyday in the newspaper, why should he be so different? Why should she want to spare his feelings, he was a murder like any other...wasn't he? Blue eyes met his, their sapphire depths hardening with the pain that years of loss had left behind. With a deep breath she spoke, shocked at the coldness in her own words. In her mind she wondered if his voice sounded the same as he killed his wife. "Yes, I think you killed her."  
  
Silence stretched between them, and for that time he didn't speak again, didn't even look up at her until she broke it. Somewhere inside Kaoru took a cruel delight in hurting him even as her mind fought against the joy, which she knew made her more like him than she would ever want to believe.  
  
After what seemed like hours to Kenshin, the sapphire eyed girl spoke. Her voice was calm and business like, as though she were analyzing a specimen through a microscope rather than talking to a human being. "Do you remember what happened that night, Kenshin?" As if programmed, she pressed the record button on a small tape recorder and waited for him to answer. 


	4. Trial

Well like most people my only experience with a courtroom is network television and my parents divorce. So don't slay me on the technicalities. This is simply a quick description to get the trial out of the way. Was going to prolong the analysis of Kenshin, but I thought it would be far more fun to drag out the darkness sooner. Am going to throw in Kenshin's story in the next chapter, going to have Kaoru reviewing her notes or something.  
  
The Sum Of Sin - Trials  
  
~Chandra  
  
**Hands on the bible, scared like a child. God holds you liable, for what you've done. Homicidal, stare down your idols, a pretty baby never born. You can't believe it, you didn't mean it, but they saw you do it and they know your name...**  
  
He felt their eyes on him, accusing and cold with the surety that his blood would be her memorial. Inside his mind the voices whispered ~I told you so~ with quiet yellow-eyed psychosis. The wood of the court chair was cold and unrelenting beneath him, pushing up against the nausea that burned with bile in his throat.  
  
"All rise, the honorable Judge Saitou presiding." The bailiff's voice yelled across the writhing silence of the courtroom. The judge sat, wolf's eyes settling upon him and in that moment Kenshin knew he had already lost. Justice didn't care if he had killed her; he had done enough already to earn its contempt. He wanted to scream, cry out against the unfairness of the situation, but all that came out was a heavy sigh as he was ordered to sit and court was pronounced in session.  
  
**Hands on the bible, egomaniacal**  
  
The prosecutor began, his opening statement painting the picture of a heartless murder. And with each new sentence Kenshin cringed, harsh words pushing hope and faith deep down inside. He was suffocating under their stares, ~God, Tomoe...why...why do things have to be like this...please.~ He was a monster that left destruction in his wake, why couldn't they see the good he had done. He had done it for them, fought and bled so that the horrors of his life would never scratch their sun-lit world. Lost everything to keep them safe, and in this instant they unknowingly turned on him. The world loves heroes, but they love even more to see heroes fall.  
  
"The prosecution calls Karou Kamiya to the stand." Somewhere in all this he had missed the defenses statement, but it didn't matter, it seemed every one else had as well. Amethyst eyes watched her walk to the witness' stand and repeat words of age-old tradition to tell the truth. Despite the growing pain in his stomach he smiled, Truth. They didn't even know what the truth was.  
  
**Everything you make come crawling back to you.**  
  
"Ms. Kamiya, you have spent the past week evaluating the defendant, Mr. Himura. Is that true?" The prosecutor spoke slowly.  
  
"Yes, I have." Kaoru's fingers tightened over the wooden armrests, nails pushing painfully against their polished surface. ~I don't want to do this, I don't want to do this~ her mind repeated over and over, as she spoke. The 'butterflies' in her stomach made her feel sick, they weren't butterflies at all; they were horrible dirty things that crawled around her insides.  
  
"Would you say that you have a good understanding of the defendant?"  
  
"I..." ~Deep breaths Karou~ "As much as can be formed in that time, Yes."  
  
Amethyst eyes still watched her, pleading with their soft depths, from an emotionless face, haggard with personal torment.  
  
**Rats in the attic, toys in the cellar. She's an addict, and he wants to learn. Hands on the bible, as you screw yourself into oblivion. Worn and faded, stoned and jaded. You'll have to face it on your own. **  
  
~Please don't do this, don't make her do this.~ Some where inside that softness that leaked pleading out through his amethyst eyes broke, letting flecks of amber rise to the surface. Somewhere inside something stretched lazily and cat-like, taking its time to wake up. Somewhere inside the child that was Shinta curled, trembling in a dark corner as the monster under the bed escaped.  
  
Oblivious Karou looked out over the courtroom, blue eyes distant as she answered the prosecution's questions about her evaluation. It didn't matter, she had slid into the numbness that convinced her mind this was nothing more than a dream. Each answer she knew condemned him further and further, but that was what she came here to do, wasn't it? She was supposed to stop him from doing something like this again, to get justice for her father. So why did each word tear a small piece out of her and feed it to the dirty things coiled in her stomach.  
  
"Thank you for your help, Ms. Kamiya. Would you mind answering one more question for me? Do you believe that the defendant, Kenshin Himura murdered his wife?"  
  
There was a pause, the silence driving the breath from her lungs as she met Kenshin's eyes for the first time. Pain laced itself up her side, cramping the muscles until it reached her lungs. Then the pain pushed the air out of her, until black spots danced behind her eyes. "I...I'm not able to make such a judgement...I...-"  
  
"Just answer the question Ms. Kamiya." The harsh voice of the prosecutor cut through her jumbled words.  
  
Yes." She whispered, not knowing the word had been said. Then she was relearning how to breathe as she was lead down from the stand. Whispers followed her down the steps, rising until she thought they would overwhelm her and carry her away. A single tear slid down her cheek falling heavily on to her blouse as she left the courtroom. "I'm so sorry Kenshin..." She whispered as the heavy wood doors slid shut behind her.  
  
"The Court will recess until one o'clock for lunch. When we return we will hear the final statements from both the Prosecution and the Defense." The wolf's eyes watched him and him alone, challenging him from across the room. Something hid in their depths, buried below the arrogance and contempt was something more dangerous than an obsession with Justice.  
  
Amethyst eyes widened, air filling his lungs and mind with knowledge in a surprised gasp. For Saitou this was personal. He was just another little bit of evil to be removed from the world. Nothing he could ever do would change that, but below that knowledge was something colder, Saitou knew who he was. Then eye contact was broken, and Kenshin was left watching after the robed figure as it retreated from sight.  
  
***  
  
The two-hour break slid by uneventfully, marked only by his attorney's attempts to win an already lost battle. Somewhere in the middle of it all the amethyst slid from his eyes and a dangerous growl of razors and glass slid through the small room where they waited. "Shut up." It was a simple command that left the bustling attorney's face drained of blood and his hands shaking. Behind him Kenshin felt the guards shift, their hands resting close to their weapons, this made him smile. His lips slid up into a feral grin that fit something with fangs and sharp teeth better than his almost beautiful face as he spent his remaining moments comfortable in their nervous silence.  
  
He remembered walking into the courtroom, the smell of too many people cutting his breaths short. He remembered the prosecution going on and on about the evil that was he. Somewhere in the back of his mind he wondered what would happen if he simply let it all go, freedom found in the heavy lead of their bullets. Then it was time to hear their verdict, but he already knew it. He had been guilty from the moment he had stepped through those doors; part of his just refused to listen to that logic.  
  
"Kenshin Himura," Saitou's voice cut through the court, singling him out as his future was decided.  
  
Easily he met the man's eyes, disappointed that the judge didn't finch at the promises lying with in molten amber.  
  
"You have been found guilty of murder in the first degree."  
  
The room went black and Kenshin saw no more, through the darkness men yelled and sharp noises broke into his thoughts. But that didn't matter, it was far away from him, and he was safe in the warm darkness of his mind.  
  
**Smashed on the pavement, stunned in amazement. Everything you make comes crawling back to you. You can't believe it; you didn't mean it. But they saw you do it and they know your name.** 


End file.
